I use to be terrified about travelling solo. I think we all are; the idea of being in a city alone, having to eat in restaurants without someone else to converse with or ward of the pitying eyes of others, the feeling of being completely alone and without support. I am not a natural fan of it, but over the last year or so I have come to embrace, even relish it; to enjoy the freedom and empowerment it brings to me, the sense of accomplishment at the end of a long day when you can sit down and say you did it all alone. It has never been smooth sailing from the get go, sometimes its been disastrous and overwhelmingly lonely but other times its been the best travel memories I have. I have now travelled solo in a few different cities and have learnt a lot about myself and the cities I’m in too, enough to pass on some wisdom of sorts (maybe? who knows?). So whether its 24 hours between flights, six months in a new country or moving forever, I hope this helps you to get the most out of the city you find yourself spending time alone in that isn’t home. And maybe you will find some things out about yourself too.
Walk as much as possible
Walking a city is the best way to see it and doing it alone is often easier and more comforting than trying to brave the local transport solo. Walking around New York or Central London is one of my favourite past times in both cities as there are so many small streets, little shops and food options to pop into at every turn. You can pick up coffee at one spot before heading somewhere else for cupcakes and not feel like you have to sit down. It’s the best way to get the lay of the land, discover streets or cafes you might not otherwise and beat jet lag at the same time. In New York my favourite areas to wander alone were the West Village and Greenwich and in London, Notting Hill and Shoreditch.
Breakfast out, Dinner in
In a new city alone having meals is often the most awkward and lonely time since most of us are not accustom to eating in public solo without someone else there to break the silence. I have worked out my formula though and I am now extremely comfortable when it comes to dinning out. I normally will go out for breakfast as this is the most casual time of day and no one really cares what anyone else is doing. Sitting in a nice cafe in the morning with a cup of coffee and people watching is one of my favourite things to do. I love being able to explore new cafes solo as I am not restricted by other peoples diets, aesthetics or morning attitudes. I am a morning person by nature so this is my best ‘me’ time anyway. Dinner is always a little more awkward alone and while I have definitely done it, I prefer to either get takeout and have it at my accomodation or sit in a park with it. This is endlessly possible to do and in summer a great way to enjoy the evening. Maddison Sq Park is my personal pick in NYC but pizza slices from the local corner in my hotel room is always great too. My rule is, if in doubt, get takeout as there is no shame in it really, it takes a certain type of mature enlightenment to have a full dinner in a restaurant alone.
If just sitting in a cafe alone with nothing but people watching to do scares the bejesus out of you then take something to keep you occupied. I always carry with me a book or my journal when travelling because it takes away from the complete loner factor slightly. I honestly couldn’t care less if people think I am a pretentious poser because at the end of the day, travelling alone is fucking hard and people who do it are anything but. I do most of my personal writing over coffee in the morning and my journal is full o
f little scenes I’ve sketched or written over breakfast; all the more coffee stained for it. I also like a good book as company with my drinks at dinner time or brunch on Sunday. When I see other people doing the same I feel a real closeness to them and its endearing to know they are, or were, just as uncomfortable being alone in a city once upon a time. I try and avoid bringing a laptop with me unless I really am going to work on it because I just like the old worldly nature of pen and paper better. Besides, a laptop take up to much table space but if you really aren’t a journal writer or reader than by all means do what you feel comfortable with, there really is no judgment here!
Ditch the Phone (mostly)
So travelling solo in the modern age is pretty heavily reliant on smart phones and technology. Where once there was a time when voyagers did Grand Tours without them, those times are (sadly) gone. I use my phone all the time when alone to check routes, opening hours, picture worthy cafes, best art exhibitions and just as something to do. However, on my last trip to NYC I tried my hardest not to use it as a form of entertainment or distraction in the city. There really is no need to be scrolling Facebook when you are strolling Central Park, its just distracting you from enjoying your time. I found that when I put away my phone I was getting more out of the city and myself. Instead of looking down at my screen I saw children pull funny faces, street performers summersault of shoulders, sunset street scenes and other daily goings on I otherwise miss. It also forces you to interact with the world, to smile openly at something funny or share a knowing eye roll with a local. When you aren’t engrossed in the digital, the reality is suddenly all the matters. I concede that phones are technology are undeniable sometimes but even if you spend one day doing things the old fashioned way and asking a local for the train timetable rather than googling, you are interaction with the city in a way most tourists don’t anymore.
Snap (un)Happy
In the same way that phones and social media can distract from your interaction with a city, so can carrying around a massive camera. In no way am I saying leaving the camera behind completely but go at least one day without. In cities, tourists are quickly defined by their enormous DSLR’s and I am one. I love photography and taking pictures of new places but in a city, solo I can feel a bit of a nob with one. I find that when you leave the camera you are a). forced to observe with your eyes and take notes with your mind (profound I know) and b). you are more likely to pass as local. I now live in London but I’m still by no means a local but from day 1 have always been stopped for directions, information or just because people think I am a Londoner. New York was the same, I never look my camera out and I never once got stopped by vendors trying to sell me tickets on the Big Bus or horse and carriage rides around Central Park, I loved the freedom and the sense of kinship it gave me, how ever much it wasn’t true.
To Market, To Market
Shopping in an activity most people actually prefers to do solo anyway, well I do, so doing it in another city is no different. Markets are my absolute favourite as you can really get a sense of the city at the local farmers or second hand market. Some are on the must-do lists of cities anyway and so its the perfect place to get lost and do some bargain hunting without hangers-on. From Borough Market in London to the flower markets of Amsterdam, flea markets of Southern France and food markets of Vancouver, they are simply the best places to go when feeling lonely. There is something extremely comforting about the familiar cry of a street seller whatever language that are yelling in. Plus farmer’s markets really make you get a feel for living in a place and buying fruit and vegetables for your Airbnb is like playing make believe for a morning.
Art, Art, Art
The first time I went to Paris and really spent time alone was when I was staying with a friend who had to work during the day. So while she was at the office, I spent the cold Autumn days walking around the Louvre, Musee D’Orsay and L’Orangiere. Art galleries and museums are best done alone in my opinion anyway and ever since I have loved spending my solo time in them. I’ve spent days in the MET and MOMA in NYC, LACMA in LA, Smithsonian in DC and the TATE in London. Galleries and exhibitions are a great way to get a culture fix, get inspired and not have to talk to anyone, especially on a rainy, cold day. Art is something I’ll always choose to do solo, even back home.
LLAL – (Live Like a Local)
Pretty much every travel piece will tell you to “live like a local” but in this sense I mean it. I mean find activities or things to do that aren’t necessarily for the tourist. For example, I treated myself to a manicure at Paintbox in New York and it was the best experience! I loved spending my time there doing something I just never bother with back home and it wasn’t crawling with tourists. I sometimes find the best tourists attraction the most lonely when solo because everyone there is with other people or in groups and it only hones in the fact you aren’t which can really suck, so I tend to avoid them and do the other smaller, more intimate ventures.
Go Easy on Yourself
Lastly, don’t feel the pressure to cram everything in or seek out company 24/7. Enjoy those little moments having room service in your hotel, or doing emails in a different environment and just wandering around a new city. It’s totally cool to just chill in your hotel and have a bath with Netflix rather than hitting up an amazing restaurant sometimes. It’s moments like these I’m sure our mothers and friend’s with kids would tell us they wish they had more of from time to time so relish it rather than race for it to be over. I try and remind myself of this when I start putting pressure on myself to do, do, do in new places rather than just enjoying what I want to do in that moment and sometimes, that’s sweet AF. It’s also totally and its totally normal that at time you will feel lonely, sad, anxious, scared or afraid (all the above even) but those feelings will past and you have to acknowledge them as a fundamental part of solo travel, something we grow and learn from. At the end of the day, you come out stronger, wiser and more aware than ever.
All photos from my recent time in New York City solo, one of the best city trips I’ve ever been on!
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