When you start to plan a international trip there are a lot of factors and decision making that goes into it. Where should I go? What should I see? What should I pack? But arguably the most important factor to consider is who you will travel with. Your travel companion will be with you day in and day out – trying new experiences, eating new foods, and meeting new friends with you and it’s a make or break situation. Sometimes this thought comes before buying your flight, sometimes you add some friends along the way, and sometimes you just prefer to travel solo. I have been lucky enough to travel with a lot of my friends in the past but not all of them are going to be repeat ventures. Travel really does bring out every aspect of someone and so its almost impossible to predict how someone is going to be every moment of everyday. In saying that, there have been times when I should have known it wouldn’t work out and I ignored the nagging feeling anyway. Other times I thought we would be perfectly suited together, sometimes you get stronger friendships, sometimes friendships end and other times you both agree, as much as you love each other, travelling together isn’t for you. Picking a travel buddy is like getting into a serious relationship in double time. It’s vital to pick your travel companion wisely because when it comes down to it, you are going to be spending every moment together. I have made some horrific errors in judgment about friendships abroad before and it’s been a catastrophe; other times we just had different styles. But I have also had some travels with friends that has made us stronger and better off for it and made memorable trips I’ll always look back on with happiness. So I will try to impart that wisdom and not the terrible mistakes here although we are all still learning.
Budget
When planning a trip with a friend, budget is an important point to discuss so you are both on the same page. Is this a luxury holiday in resorts or back packing in hostels? Are you dining out every night or cooking where possible? It’s very hard to travel with someone when you can’t agree on where to stay, where to eat, and what activities you want to do, so this is a very important thing to consider! You should agree to some sort of budget so that there isn’t ludicrous differences in spending habits once you arrive as well. I’m not a massive fan of rigid daily budgets but a general idea is very important so you both know where the other stands. There can be wiggle room for some more expensive activities or a random splurge on a hotel room, but agreeing to a budget before the trip ensures your daily spending remains about the same.
Common Interests in Travel
There is absolutely no point travelling with someone if you have no travel interests in common. While many friends share daily interests back home, abroad things can vary greatly and it can be hard to find common ground if you want to visit art galleries and sit in local cafes while your companion would rather fast food and only the major attractions. Its also pretty hard if you are interested in the local people and they are only interested in the local alcohol. It all makes a difference and it can be miserable if you are constantly trying to persuade the other person or fight over how to spend your days. I think its pretty clear what interests someone is going to have abroad but always be mindful that people can change completely when they travel. Discuss what you want to get out of this trip, whether it be culture, parties, new people, sight seeing, relaxation or all the above. Make a list of activities that are top priorities, medium priorities, and things you usually hate to do. If these’s line up quite well with your travel buddy it’s safe to assume your daily activities will be the same! There’s no need to assume that all of your interests will be the same, and you might even enjoy some days solo, but overall it’s great to understand how you both plan to structure your days.
Travel Style
Travel style is different to travel interests. You can have different styles and still want to get the same things out of a trip, its the way you will be achieving it that differs. Luxury resorts vs hostel dorms is only one of the most obvious style differences and to be fair its going to be pretty easy to know what your friend’s accommodation style is like. It is still advisable to consider the place you are going and what’s on offer though and how they might fit everyone’s style. Airbnb’s are often a good medium but in cheaper countries I don’t mind splashing out on a seaside resort on the last few days of an otherwise backpacking trip of Thailand. Compromising with each other will also give you a new sense of value in different travel style. However, more intricate levels of travel style are often harder to determine until you are there so it’s a good idea to discuss them. I have travelled with people who prefer carefully planned and curated days while I’m more in the school of go-where-I-please and find daily structures while travelling a pain. In saying that I still like a general whole trip idea, whereas others think nothing of just arriving and seeing where the next bus is going. I am also adverse to all tours and hate anything that resembles organised groups while travelling. You wouldn’t get me on a tour of anywhere longer than an hour or so. I’ve point blank refused to do all inclusive tours of India and Morocco and have convinced by travel companions too but I do understand that some people prefer this style of travel where there is little daily stress and if a train is cancelled in Jaipur, the tour operator will organise getting alternative transport while you sit and drink masala chai.
Travel Experience
Its important to consider your travel buddy’s past travelling experience and what that’s going to mean this time round. If they have never travelled in undeveloped places before and you are planning a trip to Tanzania they are obviously going to have different concerns to you if you are widely travelled. I have friends that refuse to wash their face in the local water from taps; are uncomfortable getting in local taxis or are overly suspicious and cautious of anyone that tries to talk to them on the street. Whether you are a first-time traveller, an overly cautious female, or have no fears at all, it’s a good idea to travel with someone who compliments and cools your fears (or lack thereof). Additionally, if this is their first time travelling without the help of family or a tour operator then there are going to be some learning curves along they way and I’ll admit I am not always the most patient with people. When I went to India with my best friend, it was the first big trip she had ever done without her boyfriend and the first that wasn’t in Europe. Travelling with friends is different to a significant other and she was used to a different travelling dynamic and more lenience towards her, it took a while to work out the grooves but we did and had an amazing time.
It also might sound petty but consider what they dislike about food etc. Do they hate spicy food or seafood? Are they gluten free or vegan? These things, while unimportant and trivial at home, are going to impact on you day too so just make sure you are aware and supportive of each other.
Friendship History
This might seem fairly obvious but consider how you are as friends at home. It’s a no-brainer but surprisingly forgotten (I’ve done it), that all the little insignificant things that annoy you about someone back home is going to be 200% worse when sharing everything from a bed to you plate of food. The fundamentals of people are exposed while travelling and so superficial friendships often fail abroad. A good indicator of this is if you find it difficult to spend extended periods of time, even a day, with someone back home. I have fallen prey to this in the past where my desire to travel outweighed my concerns about who I would be travelling with and things did not end well.
If you have gotten into fights with a friend over owing $10 then it’s probably a good idea to consider your travel chemistry and what thats going to mean when you are splitting living and traveling costs. Think back on your friendship and remember some of your best and worst moments. What made your friendship so strong? Additionally, why did you fight and how did you resolve it? You and your friend will inevitably get into arguments, and there’s no shame in that, so it’s essential to understand how you plan to resolve conflicts you will have abroad. Do you both need space to think about it, or do you want to talk through the issue and resolve it as fast as possible? Do you like to talk through your emotions, or take emotions out of the conflict to come to a quick solution? Whatever the answer is, it’s important to have it before deciding to travel together.
Personality Chemistry
Personality chemistry relates to how fundamentally similar you are to each other but also just how you interact with each other. Gender, relationship status, and age, to religion, languages, and mobility, personal details are often not deal-breakers, but they should be considered. These qualities seem like unusual things when choosing someone to travel with, but they can make a big difference. Females and males often have VERY different experiences when traveling abroad, and sometimes having a male companion can come as a huge advantage, as unfortunately females are often targets of unwanted attention. Additionally, your personal details and preferences can also greatly affect your expectations. If you are in a relationship and looking for a fun girls trip, but your friends are more interested in going out and dancing, you might regularly disagree on how to spend your nights. You might be a morning person who is awake by 7am and ready to explore while your travel buddy might be an evening person and not want to get up until 2pm. These are things that really annoy me personally and so I always make a point to assess the situation before travelling together.
Dynamics
The final thing to consider when picking a travel buddy is the relationship dynamics. When travelling (and in friendships) there is often a leader or decision maker and a follower. This is not a bad thing at all but be aware of where you all stand. I am not necessarily a leader all the time but while travelling I am in my element and find it difficult to take directions from others therefore I end up the one making the calls. I am lucky that this has worked out mostly in the past and I have great friends who are happy for me to make the judgment calls. In saying that though, it is tiring and can be a lot of added stress. I have travelled with friends that are extremely timid about asking for help for themselves and so its always left to me to ask people for anything from directions, water or advice etc. This is in no way a deal breaker for me but it is something to consider as it can be frustrating and annoying if you feel like you are the only one taking any initiative.
Also consider how many people you are travelling with and what this means for the dynamic of a group. Just two of you is great and you are obviously going to become even closer but it can get exhausting being with the same person day in, day out. Threes are tricky to travel with as there is always going to be a 2 and a 1 in most travel situations. I have travelled as a three before and we were all best friends but on the road together we were a disaster. Individually and in pairs we got on fabulously but as soon as our threesome started travelling, we fell apart. Groups are great too but again, consider the leader and what that means for you.
Like most things, its hard to know before you try, but these tips will give you a pretty comprehensive outlook on how compatible you and your potential travel buddy may be! Whoever you pick, and wherever you go, the best part is that you’re seeing the world, having new and life-changing experiences, and loving every second of your trip!
*Photos taken on a fab trip to Japan with a friend I didn’t want to kill*
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